...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
