i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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