Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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