UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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