I cannot find my penis.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
