Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I touched a dick in church today
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
