I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If I die, sorry about rent.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
