im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
