Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
