I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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