I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize