you're like a bully in the Christmas story
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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