I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
