Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
