There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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