I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize