I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
