I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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