but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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