He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
