I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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