how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
