his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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