It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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