I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
