Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
