After last night, I could never be a politician.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize