Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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