Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
