Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
