Kiss
Puke
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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