His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
