My hand turned me down
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
