Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
