What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
