I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
