if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
