Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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