my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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