he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Barsexuality is the new black.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
