it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
