So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My life is pants optional.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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