I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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