I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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