Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he shaved USA in his pubs
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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