Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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