I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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