im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
