Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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