i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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