I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
