based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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