Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
