the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
