Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
