I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
