so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
