I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
All the doctor said was why
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
