oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
