just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
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she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
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Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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