Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My vagina just recognized that song.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
