Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You dont lie about slip and slides
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
