Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
