Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
