I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
