WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
