I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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